There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Randomize
