I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
