I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
