i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
