my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
