she was so not down for the gang bang
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
someone owes me an orgasm
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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