You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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