so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It all started with a game of naked twister.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
