You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
