After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
