the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
