i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Four minutes until I can fart!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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