apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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