Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
