We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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