She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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