Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
