he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
