i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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