ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
