Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
