if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
