Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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