you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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