He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
