just tell him i said nine months
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
