There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
