You just made me feel so damn special
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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