i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
