When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
