why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
