Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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