wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
