Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
