your parents love me but you hate me
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
