i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Boobs speak an international language.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
