I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
