Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
