i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
