there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
