It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
