its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
