Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
