I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
