As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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