I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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