Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
