I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I need to sanitize my soul.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
