he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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