you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
