holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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