What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
