shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
